"Why even?"

The Outdoors, Inc., Canoe and Kayak Race, scheduled for June 13, has been called off.  Race director Joe Royer gave me the news Monday afternoon.  Apparently the organization that contracts with the city to manage the riverfront parks was putting pressure on him to pull the plug, and he decided there was no compelling reason to resist.

I figured that this cancelation was probably inevitable, so it shouldn't have come as any great shock.  But it delivered another blow to my motivation, just like a couple of weeks ago when the first round of race cancelations occurred.  Somehow I managed to do a round of the strength routine yesterday morning, but with Joe having some work commitments and unable to meet me down at the river, I skipped paddling.  The weather was rainy and miserable anyway.  I ended up spending the rest of yesterday just puttering around the house, doing small chores here and there but mostly just moping.

And then, at the end of the day, I learned that somebody I knew had died of the COVID-19 virus.  Last Wednesday he'd posted this message on his Face Book page: "I checked into Methodist Central and getting tested for whatever I got."  That was his last direct communication with the greater public.  Over the ensuing days several friends posted that he'd tested positive for the coronavirus and was on a ventilator.  Then last night his sister announced that he'd passed away, adding, "I hate you, COVID-19.  You stole my brother from me."

I didn't know the man super-well, but he was a constant presence in my community.  He was 68--not exactly young--but he was active and energetic.  Now, just like that, he's no more.  I was already aware on some level that in the scheme of things all these races getting called off was nothing more than a first-world problem, and that overall I'm one of the more fortunate people in this global health crisis.  But something like this had to happen for me to appreciate the true deadliness of this virus.

Up until now I think I've done a decent job of keeping up a daily routine.  Fortunately I do have work and activities that were well established long before this pandemic descended upon us.  Of course I'm used to getting in the boat several days a week.  I own a rental property that presents ongoing chores--I can't say I relish working over there, primarily because it's not really "my turf" even though I do own the place, but the fact that the tenants there depend on me to do those chores is adequate motivation.  The woodworking business has been quiet and will probably remain so for the foreseeable future, but I have a whole list of home-improvement projects to keep me busy during such lulls--that landscaping job out back that I mentioned a few posts ago is one example.

But as one friend of mine put it, "it seems like just a little more 'why even?' wants to creep in each day."  Maybe I should just allow myself a couple of do-nothing days... I'm pretty sure I'm not the kind of person who's likely to lapse into a complete non-functioning state.  Then again, something like this is an entirely new experience in my lifetime.


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